everyday public relations

Saying no has always been hard for me. There are a ton of possible reasons why this is true. I’m a girl, I had a crazy childhood, my mother is domineering, I’m a southerner, a people pleaser……etc.

Whatever the reason, being able to confidently say no to a superior is an important skill. It is not your boss’s job to know every mundane detail about how busy you are and every project you have on your plate. They see the end results and do not know, or care(most likely) about how that end comes about as long as you continue to smile and be productive.

So what happens when you are overloaded, stressed out and about to fall over from lack of food and the boss walks in 10 minutes before you are supposed to thankfully leave for the day and says, “oh by the way, can you present to the board tomorrow morning? You will need to talk for 20 minutes about the efficacy of using rubber suction cups on disentangling right whales” or some other highly complicated subject that is totally out of left field.

Now what?

On the one hand you are flattered that the boss obviously has a large amount of faith in your abilities. On the other, it is boy scout night, the baby is sick, your homework is behind and you haven’t spent any alone time with the hubby in weeks. You simply do not have time to do the research needed.

Obviously this seems like a silly premise, but I promise you there are people everywhere who know exactly what I am talking about. And I am not alone. I posted a poll on LinkedIn asking professionals everywhere how they say no. (You can take it to and I will post the final results right here next week. )

Know what I have found out so far? Girls are more likely to make up an excuse, rather than say no. Come on girls!!! That is exactly the wrong thing to do. Very few of us are good liars and in most cases, the excuse will come out sounding flimsy. Not a great career move.
So how DO you say no to the boss? Here is what I have learned so far. Put these tips to use and they just might gain you a little respect as well as help you build your confidence in the work place.

1. Tell yourself everyday that you are a good employee and are worthy of having respect and adequate notice from the boss.

2. When given a task that you simply can’t do, do not lie, make excuses or just suck it up. Your boss is human too, (at least most of them are). They have a life and a career and will understand, if you are up front and honest.

3. Most requests are simply that,a request. Unless you are in national security, you rarely receive orders. You can explain why you can’t complete the task, but even that is not always needed. For the most part, he or she will simply go on down the line to the next person.

4. Have a back-up colleague in the office. It is so nice to know when someone has your back. Keep up with what each other is doing and then when you can’t help your boss, be able to suggest someone else who can. (Just know that they will do the same)

Remember, there is no reason to be continuously stressed and overloaded because you are afraid of what your boss will say. If you are doing your job to the best of your ability, then there should be no problem with turning down a request every now and then. Your boss will respect you for standing up for yourself (great career move).It will make you more confident, and more productive, as your work will be higher quality if you are concentrating fully on 3 projects instead of rushing to complete 5.

So how do you say no? Take the poll .

I read a post recently that really hit home. I started my blog for a school assignment and thanks to a wonderful teacher and mentor, I got “hooked” on blogging.

As a public relations undergrad, having a PR blog made sense, but as I grow and move on with my career (and my life) it has become harder and harder to come up with new and interesting posts regarding to public relations. I am much more interested now in how one can apply the tactics and strategies learned in PR and apply them to the rest of…well life.

I never wanted a super corporate PR position, preferring to do something a little more low-key and certainly more fulfilling (in my opinion only) in my quest to save the planet, or at least contribute to that end. (My regular readers are well aware of my hippie upbringings and dedication to social causes, but if you are new check here for some older entries to get you better acquainted.)

I love to write, and I love to blog, but I have so much more going on that I am thinking that I need to take a step back and re-evaluate my blogging purpose. I lead a very busy life and find it harder and harder to cram in the time required for a decent and thoughtful post every week. (my goal is to post every Tuesday.)

I want to help others, and I want to help the world and I honestly feel that my ability to and love of writing is my gift, given to me for the specific purpose to use for doing what I crave, helping others.

I have considered changing topics, hosts, themes, you name it. Something needs to happen, I just can’t put my finger on it. I am not ready to lay down the old pencil just yet, so don’t worry just yet.

So on that note, be on the lookout for some new and interesting changes at Everyday Public Relations. Come back soon.

Today’s post was contributed by guest blogger, Milena Thomas. Thomas blogs about life, marriage, economics, and politics at Quiet the Thunder and Brazen Careerist. She is a wife, grad student in finance and economics, professional singer and voice teacher.

Enjoy!

I started blogging a little over a year ago, and I fell in love with it. Tiffany Monhollon of Personal PR describes blogging as, “unlike any other form of expression on earth…” Little by little, her sentiment has won me over. Blogging is incredible, precisely because it has expanded the ability for anyone to connect with total strangers, on a personal and in-depth level, on a wide variety of topics. How else would an Estonian man Google “is marriage overrated,” find my rant on the topic, and engage in significant discussion? How else would reading Penelope Trunk’s blog have led to fundamental changes in my thoughts about what a career can be, leading to quitting my job, and even meeting with her last week?

Blogging, and other forms of ultra-fast electronic media have expanded our communicative abilities, but I wonder if they have done much for expanding our minds. While I think it is wonderful bloggers need no credentials, it doesn’t do much for those who blog without authority or substance, and for readers who absorb their output at face value. I also think that attention spans have shortened, and the satisfaction from delving deeply into topics has been replaced by micro-blogging jollies on Twitter. I find that the internet sometimes becomes an echo chamber where the loudest and most obnoxious voices drown out others.

A few months ago, I naively decided to explore one of the most controversial topics of all time on my blog: abortion. I thought I was putting a unique spin on the subject, questioning whether veganism and pro-choice philosophies can truly coincide with one another. I also thought it sparked some healthy debate, but I quickly learned that most people either agreed with my views, or decried my existence. Still, I was determined to speak my mind and try to foster intelligent, rational dialogue. From that point, I embarked week after week presenting more hot topics for discussion. I was enthralled with the process. As soon as I’d release a post, it was like a blood scent was released into the blogosphere – the hounds came trampling and baying at the tree in which I quickly found shelter.

I don’t write about my experience to get sympathy for my politics, because I know there are plenty of my philosophical opponents hanging out in trees too. My point is that people can be nasty and narrow-minded. Things get ugly, personal, and communication shuts down – relegated to jabs and come-backs with no hope for resolution and understanding. The internet makes the hit-and-run attack so easy, and so difficult to defend. I have never experienced a salon, but I think luxuriating with friends, a glass of wine and a philosophical topic would be a wonderful way to spend an evening. I wonder if we can capture that as bloggers? I think so. Despite internet dogs on the prowl, there are plenty of wonderful commentators who show they are capable of civil discussion, even when it leads to disagreement.

As bloggers, I think we have a right to tenaciously tear apart ideas – not people. What are your thoughts and experiences on blogging and public discourse? How can we foster intelligent discussion on any topic?

There is a great article out in this month’s edition of Body and Soul magazine. The column by staffer Terri Trespicio details why it is important to cut yourself a little slack now and then.

Suffering from perfectionism myself, I was drawn to this article with a kind of fascination usually reserved for writing and re-writing and then writing again my blog posts

The point of the article is that there are steps we can take to break out of the perfectionist mind-set in order to empower our decisions so we can move forward with our lives both personally and professionally. Thanks to Terri for the great article.

Hopefully these things will help you as much as they did me.

1. Remove your mental filter. – Perfectionists often only hear the negative news, letting the positive reviews go in one ear and out the other. Try readjusting your mental sieve and allow some of the good stuff to stick
2. Discover the joys of getting it wrong. – Start looking at your flaws as opportunities for personal and professional growth. Nobody likes to be wrong but being able to accept and learn from mistakes will make you a better person both in and out of the boardroom. Dan Baker, Ph.D and co-author of What Happy Women Know, says this, “Think of making a mistake as paying tuition, once you’ve paid, you might as well learn the lesson.”
3. Compare yourself to others, realistically. –Maybe you do enough of this, but you probably don’t see others with the same foggy filter you see yourself with. Try taking notice of your peers. Do they take shorter/longer lunch breaks, make the occasional typo, and lock themselves out of their cars? If they are not perfect then why should you be.
4. Put people before things. – Put the people in your life before your stuff. This may seem like a no-brainer, but how often (and be honest here) do you find yourself late getting home again because you just had “one” more thing to get done at the office? How many relationships fizzle because one person is already married…to their job? It happens all the time so take a good look around now. If you log more hours at your desk than say the average mouse pad, you need more face time with your friends and family. Even if you are a busy CEO, taking some quality time will pay off in more ways than one as it is well established that happy workers (with happy families) are much more Productive, efficient and effective.
5. Prioritize your perfectionism. – This too is hard to hear, since with all perfectionists, of course we want to be great at everything. The article states this however, “Instead of trying to master everything, pick some things you want to excel in.” As Penelope Trunk once stated in her book Brazen Careerist: The New Rules for Success, (and I am most definitely paraphrasing) specialization is a wonderful thing. Being a little good at everything (or half-assed at everything) will not win you any awards and will definitely not fatten your wallet. Pick a few tasks/topics/subjects etc. you really excel at and work on them. For me it is persuasive advocacy writing and graphic design particularly in regards to wildlife publications. I am by no means a scientist and can’t list the statistics of every endangered species but I can create a really pretty picture with words and photos that will make even the most hardened ant-environmentalist want to read more.
6. Let a dirty sock be just a dirty sock. – Ahhh… the joys of a clean house. I admit that I am severely embarrassed to have people over to my house without say a month of advanced notice. Ok so maybe I am not that bad, but hey with three kids and both my partner and I working full time there is not a whole ton of time left over for house cleaning. The article claims that seeing small-scale messes as a personal failure is actually a cognitive disorder (do they make a pill specifically for the racing heart and cold sweaty palms I feel whenever I open my 10-year-old’s closet door, right before the entire contents come crashing down on my head? Probably) Anyhow, I take great pride in my work and my family and am starting to let go of the dirty sock as global disaster mindset. All three of my kids are turning out pretty darned well and I am succeeding at work and in my personal life so I must be doing something right, even if it’s not the laundry. Rather than react emotionally, see things like socks, dishes and dust for what they are, everyday facts of life that need tending to, not evidence of your incompetence.
7. Focus on wellness not weight. – Another big one for me. After three kids I will never pass as a super model but being okay with myself is a constant challenge. In addition to personal (sometimes unrealistic) goals, there is also the added pressure of working is a somewhat public industry. Appearance does matter in public relations, however taking care of your self, having trimmed neat nails and clean suitable clothes are a heck of a lot more important than being the one on the office with the tiniest waist.
8. Age gracefully. – A few wrinkles does not make you a bag lady, it adds character really! According to Baker what makes us truly attractive is more about confidence, carriage and hard-won wisdom rather than firm skin or how much you resemble a fashion model. And just a tip from me, those women who do go all out to look 20 years younger often come off as unprofessional or unapproachable or worse “that old woman from accounting with the peel on face and skin tight leopard-print skirt who gives me the creeps.” Don’t be that person.
9. Counter the negative with a positive. – This goes back to number one on the list. Often perfectionists only hear the bad things and assume they are doing it all wrong. In order to stop this kind of thinking, try to automatically counter your negative thoughts with three happy ones. As corny as it seems, even having a list works wonders when you are at risk of sliding into the dumps. My list is wallet sized and changes periodically, but serves to remind me that I am a good mom, a good writer and a successful businesswoman.
10. Kick black and white thinking to the curb.– Last of all get rid of the all or nothing mindset. There are shades of gray in just about every situation on Earth. Remind your self those temporary moments of insanity (having an extra dessert, a bad hair day or being 15 minutes late) does not mean you are fat or lazy or an incredible slacker. Give yourself credit for all you do right and understand that in the end we are all just human.

What do you do to beat your perfectionist tendencies? Does any one have some creative ideas or feel more should be added to the list? Send me a comment!

To read the entire article check out the June edition of Body and Soul Magazine.