everyday public relations

Saying no has always been hard for me. There are a ton of possible reasons why this is true. I’m a girl, I had a crazy childhood, my mother is domineering, I’m a southerner, a people pleaser……etc.

Whatever the reason, being able to confidently say no to a superior is an important skill. It is not your boss’s job to know every mundane detail about how busy you are and every project you have on your plate. They see the end results and do not know, or care(most likely) about how that end comes about as long as you continue to smile and be productive.

So what happens when you are overloaded, stressed out and about to fall over from lack of food and the boss walks in 10 minutes before you are supposed to thankfully leave for the day and says, “oh by the way, can you present to the board tomorrow morning? You will need to talk for 20 minutes about the efficacy of using rubber suction cups on disentangling right whales” or some other highly complicated subject that is totally out of left field.

Now what?

On the one hand you are flattered that the boss obviously has a large amount of faith in your abilities. On the other, it is boy scout night, the baby is sick, your homework is behind and you haven’t spent any alone time with the hubby in weeks. You simply do not have time to do the research needed.

Obviously this seems like a silly premise, but I promise you there are people everywhere who know exactly what I am talking about. And I am not alone. I posted a poll on LinkedIn asking professionals everywhere how they say no. (You can take it to and I will post the final results right here next week. )

Know what I have found out so far? Girls are more likely to make up an excuse, rather than say no. Come on girls!!! That is exactly the wrong thing to do. Very few of us are good liars and in most cases, the excuse will come out sounding flimsy. Not a great career move.
So how DO you say no to the boss? Here is what I have learned so far. Put these tips to use and they just might gain you a little respect as well as help you build your confidence in the work place.

1. Tell yourself everyday that you are a good employee and are worthy of having respect and adequate notice from the boss.

2. When given a task that you simply can’t do, do not lie, make excuses or just suck it up. Your boss is human too, (at least most of them are). They have a life and a career and will understand, if you are up front and honest.

3. Most requests are simply that,a request. Unless you are in national security, you rarely receive orders. You can explain why you can’t complete the task, but even that is not always needed. For the most part, he or she will simply go on down the line to the next person.

4. Have a back-up colleague in the office. It is so nice to know when someone has your back. Keep up with what each other is doing and then when you can’t help your boss, be able to suggest someone else who can. (Just know that they will do the same)

Remember, there is no reason to be continuously stressed and overloaded because you are afraid of what your boss will say. If you are doing your job to the best of your ability, then there should be no problem with turning down a request every now and then. Your boss will respect you for standing up for yourself (great career move).It will make you more confident, and more productive, as your work will be higher quality if you are concentrating fully on 3 projects instead of rushing to complete 5.

So how do you say no? Take the poll .

I read a post recently that really hit home. I started my blog for a school assignment and thanks to a wonderful teacher and mentor, I got “hooked” on blogging.

As a public relations undergrad, having a PR blog made sense, but as I grow and move on with my career (and my life) it has become harder and harder to come up with new and interesting posts regarding to public relations. I am much more interested now in how one can apply the tactics and strategies learned in PR and apply them to the rest of…well life.

I never wanted a super corporate PR position, preferring to do something a little more low-key and certainly more fulfilling (in my opinion only) in my quest to save the planet, or at least contribute to that end. (My regular readers are well aware of my hippie upbringings and dedication to social causes, but if you are new check here for some older entries to get you better acquainted.)

I love to write, and I love to blog, but I have so much more going on that I am thinking that I need to take a step back and re-evaluate my blogging purpose. I lead a very busy life and find it harder and harder to cram in the time required for a decent and thoughtful post every week. (my goal is to post every Tuesday.)

I want to help others, and I want to help the world and I honestly feel that my ability to and love of writing is my gift, given to me for the specific purpose to use for doing what I crave, helping others.

I have considered changing topics, hosts, themes, you name it. Something needs to happen, I just can’t put my finger on it. I am not ready to lay down the old pencil just yet, so don’t worry just yet.

So on that note, be on the lookout for some new and interesting changes at Everyday Public Relations. Come back soon.

Today’s post was contributed by guest blogger, Milena Thomas. Thomas blogs about life, marriage, economics, and politics at Quiet the Thunder and Brazen Careerist. She is a wife, grad student in finance and economics, professional singer and voice teacher.

Enjoy!

I started blogging a little over a year ago, and I fell in love with it. Tiffany Monhollon of Personal PR describes blogging as, “unlike any other form of expression on earth…” Little by little, her sentiment has won me over. Blogging is incredible, precisely because it has expanded the ability for anyone to connect with total strangers, on a personal and in-depth level, on a wide variety of topics. How else would an Estonian man Google “is marriage overrated,” find my rant on the topic, and engage in significant discussion? How else would reading Penelope Trunk’s blog have led to fundamental changes in my thoughts about what a career can be, leading to quitting my job, and even meeting with her last week?

Blogging, and other forms of ultra-fast electronic media have expanded our communicative abilities, but I wonder if they have done much for expanding our minds. While I think it is wonderful bloggers need no credentials, it doesn’t do much for those who blog without authority or substance, and for readers who absorb their output at face value. I also think that attention spans have shortened, and the satisfaction from delving deeply into topics has been replaced by micro-blogging jollies on Twitter. I find that the internet sometimes becomes an echo chamber where the loudest and most obnoxious voices drown out others.

A few months ago, I naively decided to explore one of the most controversial topics of all time on my blog: abortion. I thought I was putting a unique spin on the subject, questioning whether veganism and pro-choice philosophies can truly coincide with one another. I also thought it sparked some healthy debate, but I quickly learned that most people either agreed with my views, or decried my existence. Still, I was determined to speak my mind and try to foster intelligent, rational dialogue. From that point, I embarked week after week presenting more hot topics for discussion. I was enthralled with the process. As soon as I’d release a post, it was like a blood scent was released into the blogosphere – the hounds came trampling and baying at the tree in which I quickly found shelter.

I don’t write about my experience to get sympathy for my politics, because I know there are plenty of my philosophical opponents hanging out in trees too. My point is that people can be nasty and narrow-minded. Things get ugly, personal, and communication shuts down – relegated to jabs and come-backs with no hope for resolution and understanding. The internet makes the hit-and-run attack so easy, and so difficult to defend. I have never experienced a salon, but I think luxuriating with friends, a glass of wine and a philosophical topic would be a wonderful way to spend an evening. I wonder if we can capture that as bloggers? I think so. Despite internet dogs on the prowl, there are plenty of wonderful commentators who show they are capable of civil discussion, even when it leads to disagreement.

As bloggers, I think we have a right to tenaciously tear apart ideas – not people. What are your thoughts and experiences on blogging and public discourse? How can we foster intelligent discussion on any topic?

A Simple girl at heart….

When I got into public relations all I kept hearing about was the corporate end of it…the marketing, the advertising, the “spin”, the ridiculously high salaries.That totally did not appeal to me but for some reason I stuck with the program and now I am glad I did. For this reason alone….Just because you practice PR does not mean you have to sell your soul to the highest bidder. Maybe I am not wealthy, but I feel good about what I am doing and that is good enough for my wallet and my family.

I work for the state, which means I work for very little, but you know what, I sleep pretty good at night knowing that I am using my skills and talents for good.

I claim to be a liberal. I am all for freedom of expression, freedom to choose my own form of worship, business and marital status. However, these days it seems that all I hear is whining about the Gen-Y and Gen X’ers not being involved, not doing their part. I happen to believe these claims are WRONG.

In addition I keep reading on various blogs and op-ed articles how young people feel they have no real voice. Even John Mayer (who I detest by the way) immortalized the sentiment in his line”they say we stand for nothing and there is no way we ever could “

I disagree.

I have a voice and I intend to use it.

I had a guest speaker in my grad school class today who was a great example of how the younger generation (and maybe the not so young generation) can make their voices be heard.

No matter what your political affiliation, you can be involved if you want to be. The opportunities are out there, if you just open your eyes a little bit. And maybe, go out on a limb a little to take a few risks.

Want to do more than just don a bumper-sticker? Here is the short list:

1. Volunteer - More than half of American citizens volunteer which equates to more than 100 million people donating more than 19 billion ours each year - Nonprofit Organizations (Holland & Ritvo 2008)
2. Vote In 2004 less than half of eligible voters actually made it to the polls. I think that is extremely unacceptable. How can we declare a need for change if we don’t participate in the process to effect that change?
3. Serve on a board - Stacey Kolomer, President of the Athens Clarke County Council on Aging gave an excellent talk today about why boards are important, the pains of being a part of them but the real impacts you can make within your community. Want to be heard?? Join a board and actually speak up for what you believe in. Even if you disagree aout the issues, at least you are making your concerns heard.
4. serve on a community committee - PTA, homeowners association, rotary club, whatever. For many of these groups there are no specific requirements other than you be committed and passionate about the cause. Want to spay and neuter every living dog and cat, there is a group for you, want to create a lending service for books on tape for seniors, there is a group for that too! A few quick searches can turn up a wealth of knowledge.
5. be a mentor - many schools, shelters, nonprofits and church organizations are in such short supply that I could spend a whole page discussing it (but I won’t). If you really want to help the next generation, who will by the way determine whether we become happy retirees or “soylant green” , find out about giving an hour or so of your time to the local Y or an after-school program that needs you.
6. Take the time to read the papers, read the online news or however you get your daily feed. Skip the celebrity gossip and the livig section (hard I know- I just love “Get Fuzzy” myself) but really pay attention and be aware of the world. There are so many of us who are simply oblivious….a sad state of affairs.

OKay. so by now you may know that I am not a McCain/Palin Fan, but at this point all I want is for today’s gen-y and gen-x individuals to really make a point to get involved. Go to a meeting, write a letter, do what our forefathers intended and create a real democratic republic.

To quote one of my favorite nonprofit groups “No one can do everything, but everyone can do something.”

So get out there and do something darn it!

Peacefull….

Probably one of the best PR and advertising campaigns of all time: Smoky the Bear.

I am a big supporter of prescribed fire. But you have to admit that this one image did more to set back the natural progression of species (plant and animal) evolution than most any other campaign in history….except maybe the cigarette campaign that convinced women that smoking was a sign of “Independence”……that is a hard choice….

Anyhow, I got to thinking, what are other campaigns that have been hugely sucessful? I am throwing this question out to all my fellow brazen bloggers as well as my new PR comrades. What are the best campaigns of all time, what sticks in your mind?

Let me know and I will include it in my next post!

SSHHH…….

I am a very luck individual, meaning that I am fortunate enough to have one of those jobs that I actually enjoy, even look forward too.

I know how rare that can be for young people so I do not say this lightly. When I was hired I can honestly say I was thrilled and looked forward to a long career with the agency. Since that time, I have had some of my idealism dampened but I continue to look forward to the everyday anticipating what I will learn while coming to the realization that this job may not be my final resting point.

I have however learned a few things on the job these last seven months that will no doubt continue to help me navigate my way through the world of PR for years to come, whether or not this job becomes a long term career or not. I share these things with you in the hopes that you will perhaps have a slightly smoother path than the one I took through the world of government public affairs.

There are some things you should NEVER talk about at work. There are just some topics that no matter how well intentioned you may be or how close you think you may be to a co-worker, you will lose in the end, and sometimes it can even mean your job. This isn’t rocket science and by no means NEW, but some people need the refresher.

1. Religion – This should be a no-brainer for most. There is just too much volatility and too many people who will not think twice about arguing ‘till they are blue in the face to convince you just how wrong you are.
2. Politics – some people can’t even live in the same household and discuss politics, so it makes sense that this should be off limits at work.
3. Personal Finances – Do you really want people to know just how broke you truly are? In my opinion whether you are wearing designer shoes or scrounging to buy a soda, the only one who needs to know what is in your wallet or bank account is you.
4. Sex Life – I don’t care how hot you think you are, nobody in the office wants to hear about your escapades between the sheets, whether it be your husband or wife or whoever. There is nothing worse than becoming the office slut or player. You might think you are cool, but I guarantee people are either laughing or disgusted whether they say anything to your face or not. Bragging about your after hours excursions will not gain you any points with the boss or anyone else that actually matters so do yourself a favor and keep mum while within the confines of the daily grind we call work.
5. Personal Medical Maladies – Yes you may have legitimate issues you need to make your supervisor aware of but that is not the kind of thing I am referring to here. I am talking about the things such as ulcers and migraines and chronic fatigue that may make the powers that be a tad bit nervous about your ability to do your job. Unless your issue seriously compromises your work flow, keep it to yourself.

Are there other taboo topics in the work place? There are certainly many things you don’t learn in college, but after nearly a year in the work force are there other things we should just know by now? Of course, but these are the main ones I have discovered since stepping into the crazy working “real world” of PR. Have a thought or want to add one to the list…post a comment.

Having a family and being young and broke to boot, I am constantly on the lookout for ways to either save money or to increase my bank account. I am dabbling in investments, have a savings account and a 401K through my employer. I never thought however that my personal happiness might have anything to do with the size of my purse. Wrong! at least according to the latest issue of Money magazine.

In an article titled “Want to be Rich? Don’t get too happy” columnist and money coach Jean Chatzky spells out why too much happiness can actually be a bad thing in the financial department. She is not the first too broach the topic.

She points to a study done by Ed Diener of the University of Illinois which shows that there can be too much of a good thing even happiness. Apparently being blissful can lead to overspending and less attention to wealth building [read complacency]. Those who rated an 8 or a 9 on the happiness scale versus a 10 were more likely to strive to increase their wealth and to hold on to what they had, probably because they had worked for it to begin with. These slightly less happy folk were also more likely to go to college and to vote.

So does that mean the eternal optomists are doomed to a cheerful but broke life? Not neccessarily. Chatzky gives a couple of tips on how those glass half full types can ensure that they too will approach retirement with a fully developed nest egg.

1. Surround yourself with the right people. It is all about balance. According to the article if you are having financial woes you may need new friends. If you tend toward pessimism then find a few optimists, swing the other way, add a pessimist to the mix. Either way you will balance out your personality and possibly help out your financial situation in the process.

2. Challenge yourself. Super bliss can make even the most intelligent person become complacent. Even of your approach to life is working, you should always be prepared for the worst, simply because nobody can predict the future, no matter how hard we try. You also may become so caught up in “your way of doing things” that you fail to notice when it is no longer beneficial. Ever hear the expression “having blinders on?”

Okay, so maybe I really don’t have anything to worry about seeing as I don’t really count myself among the blissfully unaware. (At least not since puberty.) But I will take the article to heart lest I become complacent in my miser-like ways.

Do you find that too much happiness impacts your ability to build wealth? I know that many Brazen bloggers are looking to increase both their wealth and their happiness, so I open up the discussion. Is it possible to have both?

There is a great article out in this month’s edition of Body and Soul magazine. The column by staffer Terri Trespicio details why it is important to cut yourself a little slack now and then.

Suffering from perfectionism myself, I was drawn to this article with a kind of fascination usually reserved for writing and re-writing and then writing again my blog posts

The point of the article is that there are steps we can take to break out of the perfectionist mind-set in order to empower our decisions so we can move forward with our lives both personally and professionally. Thanks to Terri for the great article.

Hopefully these things will help you as much as they did me.

1. Remove your mental filter. – Perfectionists often only hear the negative news, letting the positive reviews go in one ear and out the other. Try readjusting your mental sieve and allow some of the good stuff to stick
2. Discover the joys of getting it wrong. – Start looking at your flaws as opportunities for personal and professional growth. Nobody likes to be wrong but being able to accept and learn from mistakes will make you a better person both in and out of the boardroom. Dan Baker, Ph.D and co-author of What Happy Women Know, says this, “Think of making a mistake as paying tuition, once you’ve paid, you might as well learn the lesson.”
3. Compare yourself to others, realistically. –Maybe you do enough of this, but you probably don’t see others with the same foggy filter you see yourself with. Try taking notice of your peers. Do they take shorter/longer lunch breaks, make the occasional typo, and lock themselves out of their cars? If they are not perfect then why should you be.
4. Put people before things. – Put the people in your life before your stuff. This may seem like a no-brainer, but how often (and be honest here) do you find yourself late getting home again because you just had “one” more thing to get done at the office? How many relationships fizzle because one person is already married…to their job? It happens all the time so take a good look around now. If you log more hours at your desk than say the average mouse pad, you need more face time with your friends and family. Even if you are a busy CEO, taking some quality time will pay off in more ways than one as it is well established that happy workers (with happy families) are much more Productive, efficient and effective.
5. Prioritize your perfectionism. – This too is hard to hear, since with all perfectionists, of course we want to be great at everything. The article states this however, “Instead of trying to master everything, pick some things you want to excel in.” As Penelope Trunk once stated in her book Brazen Careerist: The New Rules for Success, (and I am most definitely paraphrasing) specialization is a wonderful thing. Being a little good at everything (or half-assed at everything) will not win you any awards and will definitely not fatten your wallet. Pick a few tasks/topics/subjects etc. you really excel at and work on them. For me it is persuasive advocacy writing and graphic design particularly in regards to wildlife publications. I am by no means a scientist and can’t list the statistics of every endangered species but I can create a really pretty picture with words and photos that will make even the most hardened ant-environmentalist want to read more.
6. Let a dirty sock be just a dirty sock. – Ahhh… the joys of a clean house. I admit that I am severely embarrassed to have people over to my house without say a month of advanced notice. Ok so maybe I am not that bad, but hey with three kids and both my partner and I working full time there is not a whole ton of time left over for house cleaning. The article claims that seeing small-scale messes as a personal failure is actually a cognitive disorder (do they make a pill specifically for the racing heart and cold sweaty palms I feel whenever I open my 10-year-old’s closet door, right before the entire contents come crashing down on my head? Probably) Anyhow, I take great pride in my work and my family and am starting to let go of the dirty sock as global disaster mindset. All three of my kids are turning out pretty darned well and I am succeeding at work and in my personal life so I must be doing something right, even if it’s not the laundry. Rather than react emotionally, see things like socks, dishes and dust for what they are, everyday facts of life that need tending to, not evidence of your incompetence.
7. Focus on wellness not weight. – Another big one for me. After three kids I will never pass as a super model but being okay with myself is a constant challenge. In addition to personal (sometimes unrealistic) goals, there is also the added pressure of working is a somewhat public industry. Appearance does matter in public relations, however taking care of your self, having trimmed neat nails and clean suitable clothes are a heck of a lot more important than being the one on the office with the tiniest waist.
8. Age gracefully. – A few wrinkles does not make you a bag lady, it adds character really! According to Baker what makes us truly attractive is more about confidence, carriage and hard-won wisdom rather than firm skin or how much you resemble a fashion model. And just a tip from me, those women who do go all out to look 20 years younger often come off as unprofessional or unapproachable or worse “that old woman from accounting with the peel on face and skin tight leopard-print skirt who gives me the creeps.” Don’t be that person.
9. Counter the negative with a positive. – This goes back to number one on the list. Often perfectionists only hear the bad things and assume they are doing it all wrong. In order to stop this kind of thinking, try to automatically counter your negative thoughts with three happy ones. As corny as it seems, even having a list works wonders when you are at risk of sliding into the dumps. My list is wallet sized and changes periodically, but serves to remind me that I am a good mom, a good writer and a successful businesswoman.
10. Kick black and white thinking to the curb.– Last of all get rid of the all or nothing mindset. There are shades of gray in just about every situation on Earth. Remind your self those temporary moments of insanity (having an extra dessert, a bad hair day or being 15 minutes late) does not mean you are fat or lazy or an incredible slacker. Give yourself credit for all you do right and understand that in the end we are all just human.

What do you do to beat your perfectionist tendencies? Does any one have some creative ideas or feel more should be added to the list? Send me a comment!

To read the entire article check out the June edition of Body and Soul Magazine.